When we arrived at the hospital to be induced and wait for Matthew’s arrival, one of my nurses gave us a box of keepsakes. Inside was a crocheted blanket, beanie, bear, and a keepsake book. When she first gave me the box I wasn’t sure how to feel, I thought it was a nice gesture. Once Matthew arrived the items brought me to tears. My tiny son was able to be wrapped in small blanket and a mini beanie that actually fit. The nurse wrapped him up and put his hat on, then gave him to me. My heart was so full and so broken at the same time.
When we left the hospital and arrived home I left the box in the laundry room,too numb to put it away and broken to look at it. I laid down and took a nap and when I woke up I went directly to the box. I was seized by the fear of forgetting that Matthew had even existed, that none of it was real, and that I was never actually pregnant. So I opened the box…slowly, gently removing and looking through the only items that physically connect me to my son. HIS blanket, HIS bear, HIS beanie. Having these items has helped me cope and are a constant reminder that my son did live, and still lives.
In the lid of the box was a piece of paper glued to it. The box was put together by Jalen’s Gift Foundation. They are a Las Vegas, Nevada based organization that helps families move through the grief of losing a infant.
Just knowing that someone took the time to create the blanket that now means more than words can express, warms my heart to no end. Because of this, I decide that I wanted to help others going through similar situations. I never want a woman or a family to not have a blanket to hold their baby in. So, I watched some YouTube videos and taught myself how to Crochet! For the first week it was enough, and I felt like it was what needed to help heal. Then my first days back to work came… I put on a strong, happy face, but by the second day, I was wreck. I was crying, yelling at my husband for no reason, and just couldn’t handle the day…so I prayed… God, what do you want me to do with this! He answered my question with two words “Matthew’s Message”.
For years I have wanted to start a blog, but never had a topic area or idea to write about. Well God just gave me one. I could not get the idea or name out of my head for the rest of the night, so I took to Internet to look for a “roadblock”… and like most things that happen like this for me… I didn’t find one and that is how MatthewsMessage.com was born.
The peace it has brought me in the short amount of time, just amazes me. The people that have either started following me or I have found these past few weeks shows me that this website and my blankets are the right path for me in this moment, and honestly, I would have it any other way! Thank you for joining me along this journey!
If you would like to help me on this journey of making a difficult road a little easier for others I would greatly appreciate the help! You can help by making blankets or donating yarn. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org with question. From the bottom of my heart thank you for your support!