Visiting Matthew for the first time…

Last Sunday we went to visit Matthew for the first time since he was buried on December 1, 2017. They had just placed his marker a couple days prior, so we wanted to make sure it was correct and bring some new flowers.

I was so nervous to go…what if it wasn’t right, what if I cry, what if I don’t cry, what if….

We went to the store to pick up some fake flowers so they last longer, white and blue flowers, the store also had bundles of butterflies, so we got those too. Picked up some foam to hold it all together and then made our way to the cemetery.

It’s strange having someone I’m so connected to buried, it is a new feeling for me and I don’t know what to call it. I know he is there, I know he is next to my husband’s father, but some how for me there is a disconnect. I hope with time that I either start to understand this feeling or it turns into something else.

Much to my surprise I did not cry, and I give this blog and crocheting all of the credit because it has given me an outlet for my grief.

We arranged the flowers and put them in place, cleaned both the bench and the stone, and just sat there for a little while in silence as we each gathered our thoughts and shared private messages we had.

I’m so grateful that I have a place to go to be with him, and take care of for him. We absolutely love the way marker turned out and now anyone who wants to visit him, can.

See you again soon my precious baby boy!


  1. The headstone is beautiful! I am so glad you do have an outlet to express your feelings and I wish I could go down to visit Matthew’s grave site and give you both hugs, kisses and help support you! I miss you terribly and hope to see you relatively soon.


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